“Crotch Goblin Deluxe” Infant Tee

Some babies are delivered by stork. This one clearly crawled out of the forbidden realm, also known as “your crotch.” Nature is disgusting. Branding makes it worse.

This Crotch Goblin Deluxe infant tee is made for the tiny goblin you somehow created and now have to legally supervise. The bold Everyday Hero design brings full gremlin energy, while the soft, lightweight jersey fabric keeps your little chaos spawn comfy during naps, snack attacks, stroller rides, and public meltdowns with theatrical timing.

Made with combed ringspun cotton, a ribbed collar, shoulder tape, and side seams, it’s built to survive daily baby nonsense, which is impressive considering babies are basically leaking potatoes with demands. Fits true to size, because even crotch goblins deserve a flattering cut.