You’re not paranoid. You’re just paying attention. “Definitely Human” is the perfect uniform for anyone who’s spent way too many late nights listening to strange stories, bad decisions, and suspiciously convincing explanations from entities that absolutely do not blink correctly. Featuring Boozer and Zorbo disguised as extremely normal park rangers, this design radiates strong “nothing unusual is happening here” energy while actively proving the opposite.
Soft, breathable, and built for everyday wear, this tee works equally well for podcast binges, conventions, road trips, campfires, or awkward encounters with people who ask way too many questions about lights in the woods. The distressed artwork, fake mustaches, and aggressively reassuring clipboard make it clear that you are a calm, rational adult who definitely does normal human things. Humanity really loves making shirts about how human it is. Very subtle species behavior.
Product features
– 100% ring-spun cotton for lightweight, breathable comfort
– Seamless tubular knit construction for a cleaner fit and reduced fabric waste
– Ribbed collar and reinforced shoulder tape help maintain shape over time
– High-quality DTG print for bold colors and durable detail
– Tear-away label for added comfort during everyday wear
Care instructions
– Machine wash cold with similar colors
– Tumble dry low
– Do not bleach
– Do not dry clean
– Iron or steam on low heat if needed
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